Beetlemania OR Worst Halloween Ever!
by Mr. Cobrah Thunderer
Summary: Beetlemania takes over The Marauders...about four years after the band broke up. How does this all culminate in the craziest prank they ever pulled, am I able to shoehorn Harry Potter, Marvel Comics, Disney, and The Beatles into one story, and will Remus ever be kissed by a girl? All but three are likely to happen in BEETLEMANIA!
1. Chapter 1

One little-known fact about The Marauders was that although they were considered a pillar of Gryffindor House and by extension Hogwarts' storied history, all members were partial to certain aspects of Muggle popular culture in their own ways.

The most famous example of one of the members of The Marauders becoming enamored with Muggle culture came upon when young seven-year-old Sirius Black snuck out of his house on Christmas Eve to attend the UK premiere of _Disney's The Jungle Book_ in order to play a muggle-baiting prank on British Disneyphiles, but ended up enjoying the film so much he completely forgot about the prank.

For the rest of his life, the young Black cited this film as the first indication as a young boy raised in high Pure-Blood culture that maybe Muggles weren't all _that_ bad if they were able to create something so wonderful without magic, and while he may have bad-mouthed non-magic folk while around family he couldn't help but wish he was listening to the musical stylings of Phil Harris instead.

In the later years, he discovered that his best friend James held the same sort of polite fascination about Muggles, with the two often spending nights out hitting pubs in London soaking in the forbidden culture, and always came back full of questions for friends with Muggle relations about what they had just seen.

These little snippets of information usually came from the member with the closest link to the Muggle world, namely Remus Lupin. Although he preferred to go home over breaks and alternating weekends, his friends were never that far away from his mind and as such brought back all of the non-magical artefacts he could carry in his suitcase to show off to his friends, full of amazement in how foreign these everyday objects seemed to his friends.

It was these artefacts that kept Remus grounded whenever he felt life got the worst of him; his "furry little problem" as James liked to call it, had a nasty habit of taking over his life whenever he felt stable or safe. There were times now and again when he WAS able to forget for a bit and worry about acne that came back over and over again like a horror movie villain, term papers that seemed to multiply like horklumps in heat, and act on crushes that were going to end poorly like the rest of his peers. But then, just when things were starting to go well again, that stupid donut in the sky had to wax once again and everything went to hell.

One instance in particular was when Lily Evans, a girl he was friendly with, had asked him while flipping the fiery-red hair as she did if he wanted to come along with her family and a couple of her friends to the beach over Easter Break. Remus wanted to immediately say "Of course, Lily, I'd be delighted!" but in typical thirteen-year-old-boy fashion whenever a pretty girl so much as asked him for a porcupine quill in Potions class his throat had closed up as he struggled to put a coherent response together. In the time he had found his voice, Remus embraced his inner Ravenclaw and realized that if he went swimming with Lily and her friends he would have to wear a bathing suit, and as such the bite marks on his legs would show, so he had no choice but to politely decline and rush off to Ancient Runes feeling bad for blowing her off again.

As Remus liked to joke to those in the know, at least his lycanthropy gave him an advantage in Astronomy class, he simply had to check his palms and see if they were hairier _than usual_ to chart the moon's phases. He had been told by all his friends that the joke wasn't all THAT great the three times he had told it. But he was the werewolf and he liked that joke so screw them, what did they know?

So after a hard day's night of lowering The Shrieking Shack's property values he would slink back to the hospital wing, lick his wounds (before remembering that normal humans don't really do that) he would prop up a good book, set up his record player (Madame Pomfrey permitting), and engross himself back in the world he had left to become a wizard like his father before him.

While neither of his parents really considered them to be "real literature" by Muggle or Wizard standards, Remus was also very partial to comic books, and as such they begrudgingly made sure he was well-stocked with that and plenty of chocolate the day after Mother Nature had had her way with his body for the night. On a side note, there has to be a better way of saying that.


	2. Chapter 2

It was during one of these "days after" in their fourth year that The Marauders came across the aspect of Muggle culture that united them all: The Beatles. Remus had set up _Magical Mystery Tour_ on his record player and was perusing a copy of _Strange Tales_ 130 as his friends barged in per usual and set up camp, keeping Remus entertained and stealing copious amounts of his breakfast while doing so.

As Peter looked over his Divination notes and wondered aloud if "die by your own hand" was going to prove much more than a clever metaphor, Sirius peeked over Remus' shoulder and saw four characters who looked very familiar to him.

"Hey!" he shouted, pointing his finger at the page so rapidly his elbow knocked Remus in the nose again, causing it to bleed once again. "I know those blokes! They were the vultures in _The Jungle Book_!"

" _Episkey!_ What are you going on about, Sirius?" James asked, mending his friend's nose with a lazy flick of his wand and raising his eyebrow in confusion.

"There are these things Muggles make called "motion pictures-" Sirius began tentatively.

"So, they found a way to make pictures move like we have?" Peter suggested.

"Oh no, no, not like we have!" Sirius said earnestly. "They fixed it so they can make the camera show pictures moving for about an hour or so -"

"Yeah! I think you told me about those, mate." James said, snapping his fingers and nodding encouragingly. "They're called...moovees, right, like tellys but bigger?"

"Yeah, those are the ones!" Sirius exclaimed, bouncing on Remus' bed as he did. "Quite incredible, wish I knew how they did it... Anyway, the one I saw, _The Jungle Book_ , Mowgli is - is in the - the jungle and - um - Peter, why are you raising your hand?"

"Uh, Sirius?" Peter asked, putting his hand to his side.

"What is it now?" Sirius responded, he was starting to get very cross now with his friends continually interrupting him.

"It's just… that doesn't make much sense, if it's a...a... moovee as you say, then how come it's called "book?" Peter interrupted.

"Yeah, Wormtail has a point." James agreed.

"While I'm as fond of Wolfgang Reitherman's take of Mr. Kipling as anyone, I liked the way they did Bagheera a lot, he in particular in his relationships with Mowgli and Baloo were very well handled-"

"Yeah, I'll bet you liked that big ol' square, didn't you?" Sirius teased. "How anyone could watch that movie and not come to the conclusion that Baloo is the best fictional character of all time is beyond me, personally, Phil Harris is the man…"

"But I agree with Wormtail, logically, shouldn't the film be called _"The Jungle Movie"_? Remus questioned, pretending to ignore Sirius as usual when Sirius got a little too big for his britches. "I think it was done to tie in more neatly with the novel itself (and opening the film with the literal opening of a book suggests this), but do you have any theories as to why this might be?"

"Well, you see, that's not really here or - you know what, what say we table this argument for another time?" Sirius suggested.

"Agreed." James nodded in his friend's direction. "All in favor, say Snape...just sucks."

"Snape...just sucks." the four boys chanted. Madame Pomfrey either didn't hear them, or didn't care.

"Anyway, as I was saying, the kid, Mowgli, is walking along the jungle," Sirius continued. "And he sees these four vultures who look an awful lot like those mop-tops in Remus' book. They sing a song, help 'im and fight Shere Khan the tiger, that sort of thing. My question is, why is this? Was the movie so popular an actual band was created to capitalize on the characters?"

"Oh no, those characters from the movie, and their presence in this comic, were made with the likeness of these guys in order to capitalize on the success of the band." Remus explained. "They're this Muggle band called "The Beatles," they were really popular about ten years ago. I'm playing one of their albums now."

"Yeah, now that you mention it, this one's pretty cool!" James said, indicating the record with his thumb, which was currently in the middle of playing _Blue Jay Way_. "Very… weird, very melancholy, but I like the weird and I like the melancholy. They got anything more upbeat?"

"Yes, they do!" Remus said. "Tell you what - when I leave this weeked to go home, I'll leave my my Beatles albums behind, so you three can educate yourself on Beatlemania. I've got them all, _Abbey Road_ , _Past Masters_ , _The White Album, Rubber Soul_ , _Let It Be_ , _Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band_ -"

"HA! Sorry, repeat that again?" Sirius chuckled. "I dunno, Moony, sounds kinda goofy to me."

"Just listen to it!" Remus insisted. "It'll change your lives. Guaranteed. Tell you what, you don't like it I'll lick the in-between of Wormtail's toes."

"Deal!" Peter said immediately, grinning from ear to ear, and shook Remus' hand viciously.

"Ok, can we talk about how quick he was to agree to that?" James suggested.

Peter blushed furiously.


	3. Chapter 3

Not too long after this talk in the hospital wing, Remus returned from home via the fireplace in the headmaster's office. After lugging his suitcase over the hearth and brushing ashes off of his robes, Remus put down his suitcase and stuck his arm back into the green embers to wave goodbye to his mother and father one last time.

Retracting his arm from the fireplace, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a bag full of sweets, marching over to Dumbledore's desk, who was reading forms with a look of mild but not total interest. Moving as quickly as he could to get it over with, he replenishing Dumbledore's candy dish and nuzzling Fawkes' beak affectionately, Remus decided it would be uncalled for if he didn't say hello and cleared his throat. Dumbledore started, unconsciously allowing the forms to slip to the floor.

"Ah, Remus! I'm must apologize, I didn't hear you come in, I apologize for my rudeness -" Dumbledore began, pushing a giant pile of papers away so as to look his student in the eye.

"It's no matter, Professor, I know how busy you get." Remus said. "Just wanted to say "hello," and "thanks" from my parents, drop off that candy you like so much."

"Why, thank you, Remus, you know how I adore sherbet lemon!" Dumbledore said gaily, unwrapping one of the new ones and popping them into his mouth cheerfully. "By the way, I think your friends really enjoyed the music you gave them."

"What?" Remus said blankly. "Oh yeah, that! Glad to hear it, I'd really prefer not to have - erm - be proven wrong. Sir. Wait, how do you know about that?"

"I have my ways." Dumbledore said coyly, eyes twinkling. "If it isn't much trouble for you, Remus, may I accompany you personally to the Gryffindor Common Room this time?" Dumbledore asked excitedly. He looked more like a big kid than a wizened old professor at this moment.

"Uh-" Remus began. What was up with Dumbledore? This was a weird request. Remus was reminded uncomfortably of how during earlier years at Hogwarts, big kids would make fun of him for being a teacher's pet. All of the sudden, the warm relationship he had with Dumbledore, that unquestioning faith in how good this man was, had changed, and Dumbledore now seemed bumbling and out of touch. What would his friends have to say about Remus being escorted by the principal? What would Lily think if she saw him having his hand held like some baby? Everyone would laugh at him, think he was a sissy...

"Is there a problem?" Dumbledore asked concernedly. "If I'm making you uncomfortable you don't have to."

"No, it's just - you know - you see-" Remus began, face glowing red.

"Ah, the doubts of youth." Dumbledore said knowingly. "I would not dream of embarrassing you, Remus, if you're worried what your peers would think I completely understand, I wouldn't have wanted that back in my day either. I apologize Remus, in my haste I forgot what an imposition it would be for you."

"Well, you can come if you want." Remus said awkwardly. "No, wait! It's not that I don't WANT you to go, it's your castle, you can go wherever, I still like you -"

"I'm so sorry I asked this of you Remus, I forget you're not that young boy anymore." Dumbledore said. Was there a little bit of sadness in those eyes now, or were they softening as understanding crept over? "I'll give you your space should you desire it."

"Thanks, Professor, I'll make it up to you later." Remus mumbled as he pushed for the door. He looked back and saw that Dumbledore was once again looking over his documents. Remus was prepared to say something reassuring to his old teacher, tell him that he was grateful for all Dumbledore had done, that he did like him. But instead, he just turned around and paced guiltily to the Gryffindor common room.

Remus felt like an ass. This day couldn't get any worse.

And then upon uttering _"Metamorphmagus!"_ to The Fat Lady, it suddenly did as he rounded the bend to get to the common room.

Sirius, James, and Peter were all decked out in black tuxedos and ties near the fireplace with mop-top haircuts and belting the best of The Beatles. And in a seat beside them, there was a fourth tuxedo waiting for Remus.

"Uh-oh."


End file.
